XXII. 1

my 22nd birthday just passed, and initially, i felt like i was having a midlife crisis. although, as far as i have come from a version of me i used to know, i definitely am not the version of myself that 10-year-old sierra expected to be at 22 years old. when i reflect on myself, however, i’m not so shabby because, bottom line, i follow my heart. april: some things definitely took a turn, starting when i stood up for myself in a battle, which definitely made me feel like that girl but caused me to lose my job. simple question: do i regret it? simple answer: no. i don’t regret it one bit. 

i have been a nanny for the past 5 years; i worked exclusively for one family i genuinely loved. it was two little girls, e & i. there are very few people or things i love more than them. i started out working with them in manhattan, new york. however, they moved to westchester, and i moved with them for two good years. everything went well; however, due to me changing my school schedule and approaching graduation, i had to move on from the comfort zone that i adored.

after two beautiful years, i moved back home and started my new job. that’s when i met my boss, who ended up being a ruthless person that, if given the choice, i would choose to meet in every lifetime.

lesson i: remember, what you tolerate from life and people is always your choice.

my ex-boss was all right; she was extremely particular about what she wanted and expected everyone to oblige. sometimes, those directions would come with an unnecessary amount of sass or speaking to you in degrading ways. she’s half of the woman i want to be (well, certain aspects), including not being scared to explain how she wants something done and maintaining discipline. the simple things, taking into consideration that her family are multimillionaires but still taking the subway, definitely helped me acquire some examples of modesty and some level of money management. but an interesting observation is that the habits that made her less in the eyes of some are why she sits in the boastful position and even more of the reason i had to rebuttal.

when we look at the data board, she is described as the “better woman” due to finances, education, love life, etc. 10-year-old sierra would view it all in simple admiration and respect. listen to the orders, understand her position, and stay in the timid/shy shell that will always let her power reign over mine. but no, i stole her game card. i stole her moves, studied her ways, and stood up to someone who would never teach me the ways, so i had to take them. my ex-boss would never know how much i look up to the woman she is (in certain aspects); she moved like a robot, her decisions had value, and her moves were calculated and made sense. so i reflect and say wwld (what would lucy do?)

my actions were simple. we got into a valid disagreement. i stood my ground, and she didn’t respect it. i was not taking that, and i removed myself from that position. however, some people are willing to be in that position. two players are needed for a game. sometimes, there’s a winner and a loser. sometimes, we are lucky enough to get a tied game.

let me tell you what lucy would not do. in that situation, lucy would not have backed down. she would professionally clear the room, allowing explanation and reasoning to get across. and that’s the woman i wanted to be, so i took it from her. her power at that moment was mine. i know who i am when i walk into any room despite whoever else is there, and that will never change. i have power despite where i am in life at any point in time, so yeah, i lost my job and found my power. thank you, lucy,

xxii,

just a freaking lady 

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